245: The Killjoy Cycle

podcast November 10, 2020

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Let’s talk about “killjoy” – the negative cycle that squashes the love life is so many millions of couples out there and how we can name it, notice it and do it differently. Sexual discrepancies are the most common thing we’re going to see over 80% of couples are going to find themselves in a dynamic where one wants more than one wants less. In his marriage, George calls the negative cycle “California” and Laurie calls it “Drowning” with her swimmer husband. But there’s something really fun about naming the negative cycle, the merry-go-round Groundhog Day, whatever word you want to come up with. The beautiful thing about doing this is it starts to externalize the problem. The problem isn’t Joe. The problem isn’t Mary. The problem is the dynamics that they’ve unconsciously created in this attempt to be with each other. George and Laurie role play a new way of communicating in “killjoy”!

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